In these locks of hair
Lies the story
My body was forced through
As it grew
Under the reign
Of you & you & you

Hiding under layers
Not only clothes
But choices
And behaviors

Built layer by layer
On stereotypes of shame
The surroundings
Shaped me to

These locks of hair
Shyly showing in between
The exploration of femininity
the bonds of masculinity

Living on skin
Holding emotions
Growing on guilt

Make me easier
More available
- for you

Feeding on isolation
Controlled vulnerability
Keeping me in closet

After closet
After closet

For being different
For being gay
For being sensitive
For having needs
For being expressive
For not being boy
For not being man
For being hurt
For breaking
For needing help
For having no choice left
than being something
Someone else

In these locks of hair
lies the stories
The harrasment
The looks
The laughs
The violance
The errors made
By gender non conforming

The days with a raised pulse
The sleepless nights
The hormone inbalance
From traumas on schedule
You'll find them all there

These locks of hair
Kept growing
Though repeatedly
shaven
Waxed
Plucked
Burnt
Cut
Bleached

They keep curling
Though tried to convince
Like I was convinced
"Wrong"
"Dirty"
"Monster"

Why do the hairs grow on my penis?
Why are they on my bum?
Do they make me less human
when they are on my ears
Do they make me less beautiful
When they are like spiders
coming out my nose

Their resilience
Whispers truths
More true than I am being told
More true than yours
- My truth

These locks of hair
These random patches
This lonely long one
that keeps coming back on my side
The bush that im afraid will take over

My sheep-like knees
The hairs on my toes
that my mind cant grasp
- why are they actually there?
What are they protecting?

To be honest
I aldready know the answer

These locks of hair
Are more than an eye
or mind could see
More than I could dare
To value

Reminders of how I kept growing
The years and the life
I wished to cease

How I became longer
When told to be smaller
How it became more
When told to be less

These locks of hair
Grew with pride
When I couldnt stay sober
When I didnt eat
To survive

These locks of hair
Dont bend to neither
Your or my inherrited foolish
They curl and spread
To take stand
When I am unable

They tell the story of me
A boy not feeling like a boy
Too skinny for a man
Too hairy for a girl
Too boyish to be like his sisters

Too like his father
to be held by his mother
Too gay and different
To be a man
Too sensitive to be respected
Too ugly to be wanted
Too hurt to take care of himself

These locks of hair
Have slowly but undeniably
Made me
To where - to who I am
To not care - to care

My neck
My shoulders
My chest
My choices

My belly
My back
My sides
My story

My fingers
My femininity
My crotch
My voices

My ass
My masculinity
My feet
My beauty

In these locks of hair
Lies the lessons
That teach me
To grow
To overcome
To cherish

Dont they deserve to exist?

Dont they deserve to feel
the breeze of the wind
To meet the warmth of the sun
The light of the day

To be loved

With these locks of hair
Every single one
I swear
I do