My bed no longer feels like a bed

Its just a matress on legs

With pillows, a blanket and sheet

Where i used to wake up next to you 

 

My mornings are no longer mornings

Just memories of your hair and face

Your warm morning taste 

 

My home no longer feels like a home

Just a place for all my stuff

Where i spend my days

That feel like non-days

Since last time you visited 

 

My body lost its meaning

No anticipation, no longing, no sex

No fear of loosing, no vulnerabillity

No breaking up and getting back together

No trying, no comfort, no hope

No sense in routine 

 

My love doesnt feel like love 

It moves into dark places

And changes faces

Turning bitter and lonely 

 

Waking up whispering your name

Trying to find your hand

Checkin if youre online 

Will you ever return? 

 

My mind doesnt feel like mine

I copy paste the leftovers

Play them on repeat 

 

As im on my couch 

where we used to spoon

As youre no longer in my mirror 

while im brushing my teeth

As you used to dance in my clothes

To the music in my livingroom

As the empty chair infront of me

Where i used to make you food 

And watch you eat 

 

I no longer feel like myself

Since i gave up trying to get you back

Something inside fell asleep 

 

As im walking home at night

I still hear you infront of me

Three steps ahead

When you were upset 

 

I find myself staring into voids

In all these places

In the middle of the street 

 

Where do i go?

What do i do?

Who do i get up for? 

 

Now its just me 

On my own fu*$×ng feet